Image provided by: Silverton Country Historical Society; Silverton, OR
About Torch of reason. (Silverton, Oregon) 1896-1903 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 30, 1897)
T H E TORCH OF REASON, SILV ER TO N , OREGON, TH U R SD A Y , S E PT E M B E R 30, 181F THE LICENSED PREACHER. Rev. Old M ortality Talks About Prayer.—A New Departure. A Prayer Wheel, Etc., Etc. My d ear little ones, it pains me not a little to notice th at th e Infi dels, Skeptics, F reethinkers, Agnos tics, an d m any well educated and intelligent men and women a re now openly declaring unto the world th a t prayer is a silly and useless form of worship. These curious people say th a t p rayer is of pagan origift, and th a t it was grafted on to our later styles of religious wor ship by the Jews, who were not in telligent enough to invent an origi nal idea with which to embellish their religious rites. These Infidels also declare th a t prayer is a great waste of precious tim e, and (hat it ought to be done away with in this enlightened age of industry. They also say th a t no intelligent m an or woman on earth can tru th fu lly de clare th a t their prayers and suppli cations have ever been answered! These strange people are now pub lishing these tru th s in the various new spapers of the land, and it pains me m uch to believe th a t in tim e perhaps some of the ignorant ami superstitious members of th is tab ernacle m ay get hold of the inde pendent papers, and then what will become of me? Yes, my pets, w hat will become of your preacher? Being the block head and fool of my fa th e r’s family, I was sent to college, where I spent m any years in learning the preach er’s trade, and it is about the only thing I ever could learn. These Infidels have put out the fires of hell, and turned old spear-tail out of house and home. A religion that does not have its hell and its legions of devils is not w orth an y th in g to us sky-pilots. These Infidels have gone still further; they now say th a t heaven is a m yth, and th at it is also of pagan origin! They de clare th at heaven was invented by a wily pagan priest, in order to in veigle silly but beautiful women into th e church. Hell, they say, was invented for the purpose of frightening ignorant men .into tin- fold, in order th at they m ight pay the piper while we slick-tongued sky scrapers did the dancing, and other things too num erous to m ention. If it were not for our free schools and tem ples of learning we sky- pilots would very soon be enabled to d ictate to the governors of this m ighty land. But the school teachers and th e free in v e s tig a to rs have placed us on their blacklist, and in consequence the pulpit is doomed to fall into the dust of oblivion. We are a m arked and doomed race. A N EW D E P A R T U R E . A New York m inister has in tro duced into his pulpit a phonograph which sings the doxology. IL should guard it with watchful care. Some im penitent sinner m ight shift cylinders on him and regale the c o n g r e g a t i o n with ‘‘Trow Him Down, McCloskey,” “ Kiss Me for My M other,” or some other worldly air, which would scarcely dovetail in with the solem nity of the occa sion. I will go this R»-v. ‘‘Duke of York” a few ‘‘m ark s” better. A PR A Y ER W H EEL. My little ones, please say unto your parents that owing to th e tor rid state of the weather it fatigues me greatly to spend so much of my precious tim e in verbal prayer, and that after consulting with Rev. Mrs. Roxie Jan e M ortality I have de term ined to place a silver-plated prayer wheel at the entrance to each one of the pews, so th at the mem bers of this tabernacle can give it a tw irl on entering their seats, that is if they wish to forward any desire or com m unication to the golden city of the new Jerusalem . The cost to your parents for each prayer will he only ten cents; this they can drop into the open slot which is directly under the wheel. Any lady that has a wart on th*- end of her nose, and wishes it re moved w ithout attrac tin g public attention to the event, will find the prayer wheel a most V efficacious, silent and reliable panacea. A m arried lady whose pretty serv atr maid is in the habit of kissing her good and pious husband (against his will) whilst she is at the ladies’ sewing circle, can easily fru strate this very shocking procedure by m erely dropping a «lime in the slot and at the same time violently tw irling the prayer wheel. To the m embers of this taber nacle, I will sav that these prayer wheels are w arranted to bring as good results as any style of prayer that has yet been sent heavenward by the lips of m ankind. I particu larly recom m end these invaluable, tim e-saving prayer wheels to our governm ent. They will (ill a long- tell w ant and do away with ail chaplains. W hy should the intel ligent people of America he com pelled to pay for prayers that are never answ ered? Echo answers, ‘•because the Americans a r e fo o ls.” F aith ami ten cents in cash is all th a t is required to make the-e tim e saving m achines h g rin d success, ami more particularly so with the American people, whose time is cash. Speaking of cash re m in d s me th a t if it was not for the money your parents pay me for telling them that a sardine swallowed a .Jew, I would let them all go to hell in a jo b lot, and I would go to shoveling gravel on the railroad. But if your parents are fools enough to pay us sky-pilots for preaching religion out of this obscene, contra dictory and silly compilation of Jew ish rot, we will gladly take their w ealth, and m entally say you ought t<» go to hell, G reenland’* icy moun tains, Alaska or some other far a way locality. Amen. State Fair Tickets Free. N. J e r m a n , The big twelve-page W eekly Statesm an of Salem has added 327 new subscribers to its list «luring the past five weeks. It wants the num ber to reach 1,000 before No vember 1st. It is Salem ’s leading paper, and it is only $1.50 per year. In order to secure these new names the Statesm an will this week.receive trial subscriptions of two m onths for only 25 cents— and each new subscriber will he presented with a ticket of adm ission to the state fair. The new nam es will he numbered as fast as received and every fifth one will he presented with two free tickets. Address all orders to the S tatesm an, Salem, Oregon. J , H . Lycnis. JERMAN & LYONS, P A IN T E R S . j ------________________________ - House, sign and carriage p a in t ing. P aper-hanging and interior decoration a specially. Charges reasonable. W ork guaranteed. SILVERTO N... B a rb e r Shop ...A r tis tic W o rk W hen you want a .... Good Sm ooth Shave Or a F irst-C lass......... H a ir -C u t Notice our ad for our New Song ------------CALL ON------------- Book. These little h o o k s have cost us much labor and we w ant to sell * * * * * them . Send for one and write to S ilverton , ..................................O regon your friends about it. E. E. T A Y LO R . We give the Torch o f Reason and the Freethought M agazine for one year for the small sum of $1.50. Now is the time to subscribe. E l HER HARDE5TY, S ilv e r to n . . . LIVERY FEED A N D S A LE S T A B L E Cor. Water and Lewis Streets. Will practice in all courts of th e sta te . Special a tte n tio n given to collections Double Rigs and Saddle H orses alw ays and n o tary work. ; on hand a t th e low est prices. A corral R oom 3, W olf B lock . connected w ith th e barn for loose stock. In fo rm atio n regarding any kind of S IL V E R T O N , OREGON. stock p ro m p tly a tten d e d to, by person or letter. H orses Boarded ami Fed on reasonable term s. The_ N. J. HARDESTY. S ta te s m a n . GOOD BOOKS Salem, Oregon. IF fo <§@§ L E A P IN G N E W S P A P E R , D A IL Y ANO W EEK LY , OF W ESTERN OREGON Its daily consists of eig h t pages and its weekly of tw elve. The weekly is recognized as the leading farm paper of i«s section. The daily plays second fitldle to no paper in the U nited S tates p rin ted in a city of S alem ’S size. Its circulation is growing con sta n tly . Il is read and valued highly by a w idespread constituency. It has a b attery of linotypes and «»{»crates a photo-engraving p lan t. Its ad v ertisem en ts are regularly read by the m asses, because they read the S tatesm an for th e news it co n tain s, an d th e accurate and In terestin g m an n er of its telling. We can fu rn ish th e follow ing books well bound in cloth ; good p rin t, sta n d a rd sizes, for th e e x trem ely low price of IK) cen ts each, ¡»ostage 10 cents. D o n ’t fail to take advantage of th is offer. Origin of S p ecies................C has. 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